you know what... dare i say it, things are kinda looking up. i am more stressed than i have been in a long while (many identity and existential crises as of late........) but i have been forcing myself out of my comfort zone at gunpoint and i can tell that it's good for me. i have been lying to myself for years saying it isn't worth it but stubborn as i am i have to admit that it actually kinda is. don't get me wrong it fucking sucks shit and is painful and uncomfortable and exhausting as fuck but i've finally met a few people here (since moving states) and that feels really, REALLY good. friends of friends, not friends of my own really, but that's not nothing. i'm pround of it.